For the last year I have really been struggling with why. "Why God, can't you just heal it?" "Why God, are you allowing this when I am living for you? I don't deserve this pain!" "Why God, can't you just heal me?" "Why God, won't you just do the miracle I know you can?" In my questions I've grown angry, confused and defeated. I thought if I just had enough faith in God, or I obeyed His commands He would get me out of the messy hard places and do the miracle I wanted - I had become entitled. But as I have cried and prayed and sought His heart I am beginning to grasp that the miracle I want, isn't always the miracle I need. And actually what happens in the continual wrestling with God in the highs and lows and everything in between is where my miracle is found. It's found in the fact God doesn't leave me even when I doubt Him. It's found in the fact He doesn't turn away from me or punish me for struggling or being proud. It's found in the midst of the hard and realizing the hard isn't a curse and I don't lack blessing when things are not going according to my plan. I can pound on His chest and scream and cry and He will still embrace me and hold me close, no matter how many times I run away and come back - He is still there with unconditional love and compassion. So I begin to wonder, perhaps the miracle isn't on the other side of the storm and joy and blessings aren't only found when skies are clear. But they are found in the every day, the pain and the difficulties because these places require us to cling so closely to Him getting to know His character and heart all the more. And if I reject that process, I reject Him and His heart for me, not to punish me and make me suffer, but to make me more like Him. Yes, the miracle is indeed in the midst of the wrestling because we can't wrestle alone - which means God is there with us Love, E

Sometimes the peace and healing we are desperately seeking is not found in our circumstances changing, in the apology we hoped for, in the affirmation we crave or in the lack of anything going wrong in our lives. What I am finding is that peace and healing can only happen in the sweetness of surrender to a God who holds all the pieces and is not rushed or hurried by our fears and perceptions of what good and beautiful should look like. No, He is not worried. He isn't troubled. And He hasn't forgotten you here in the midst of your real life heartbreak. When we can believe that He is still in control and still cares deeply for us despite the pain we are experiencing this side of eternity, then hope can come rushing back in. Because our hope is not in the things we want fixed, but it's in the one who we know has the capabilities to fix them in His good time and in ways we could never do on our own. I have never found the tenderness of God so close and so real until I have been willing to slip off my running shows, deny the desire to continue in the frantic pursuit of tidying up my life in my time and way, and instead sitting down at my Saviors feet and trusting He will work all things together for my good and I don't have to do a thing to make that happen. He only asks me to rest in His presence and let Him be God - completely in control and full of love for me. Sit in His love today friends, if only for a moment. He is there waiting and He won't give up on you or your story. He doesn't stop until it's good. Love, E

‭‭James‬ ‭1:12‬ ‭NLT‬‬ [12] God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

Being tired doesn't mean we quit. Being tired means we are human. We get tired so we press into Jesus to supply supernatural strength. Being afraid doesn't mean we walk away. It means we ask Jesus to be our courage when we FEEL afraid. Because being afraid doesn't mean we ARE afraid. Being afraid means we are humans who need Jesus to fill us with His Holy Spirit so He gets the glory. Feeling the weight of responsibility or feeling the brokenness of the world does not mean it's time to run to a vacation, a quick fix, or we have taken on too much. It means our hearts are breaking for what breaks Gods. It means we are onto something good! It means now God can show up and work. We must keep an other world way of thinking. For if we say, it's too hard, I'm too tired, it's too scary, it hurts too much... Well good! It should! Because if not, what moves you? What is faith without these? We don't need Jesus without our lack. We don't see His glory absent from the impossible. He is the miracle in every mess. So yes, we will get tired, our bodies will ache, our hearts will break, but this is why we never give up, because our spirit is being renewed every day by His Spirit and this light and momentary affliction means nothing in light of eternity and the souls saved for it. Jesus came to seek and save those who were lost. To give His life up for us. Won't we be willing to offer the same in His name? Offer everything until our hands bleed? When I get to heaven I want my body covered in blood and earthly scars, my knees worn from the dirt, I want my hands to be dirty with the lives of the broken people around me so that when I look in my Saviors face, I won't even need to say a word, He will just know from looking at me I was faithful with the life He gave me. And with tear filled eyes we will embrace our Savior who gave everything for us and know every painful day and long night was worth it! We will rest for eternity in His arms without regret because we know we fought the good fight, we've finished the race. We brought Him glory with every ounce of us. And NOTHING He gave us was wasted. Let this be our creed, let us get dirty for Jesus. Love, E

"I am right here to help. Whenever you are ready to ask, I am right here." Trying to keep my cool, I echoed this sentiment to my son for the third time while folding laundry the other day. "How could he be so stubborn!" I wondered. And this is when the Holy Spirit gently whispered, "This is you too. You are often stubborn too. Unwilling to surrender and frantic in your mess. And all the while I sit here, waiting to help you. If you would but ask me." Man, over and over without fail I learn so many solid life lessons through motherhood. I can recall so many times as I counsel or reprimand my children, God speaks so loud and clear to my heart that I am much the same as them. It's humbling to say the least. And yet I am equally grateful for the challenge to my spirit that struggles with the same flesh my kids do. I mean, if we are honest, we all likely have sat cold and unrelenting in our corner, screaming out to God with a huff and puff. Wondering why He doesn't show up already and fix our mess or, like a magic genie, make a miracle appear. But God's heart isn't for our comfort but our character. Much like I care more about my son's character then I do his ease, God longs to teach me submission and surrender far more than His heart longs to make all things simple. For if life was simple I would never need to take the time to see, He has always been there waiting to help me. Whatever your struggle this week, will you take a deep breath with me? In all your wrestling will you take a moment to look back on the faithfulness of your great God who has never failed you before and believe with faith that He surely won't fail you now? Then, surrender. And then surrender again. Over and over admit your need for His help and let Him do the work on your behalf. Let Him fight for you, just be still. He is waiting. He hasn't left you. Turn from your frantic panic and see Him sitting there. Curl up in His lap, hand Him your pain, and let Him make beauty from your ash. Love, E

Happy National Women's Day! I see in the lives of women around me such a move of God calling up women from their shame and pain to own who He has called us to be. Not to be loud and flashy and prove a point for some feminist agenda, but instead, to proclaim His love and glory to the lost world around us. God made us women for a specific reason. He has imparted to us specific gifts and abilities for a purpose. Not to show we are superior to me, but to come alongside men and women alike to share in advancing against the enemy. There are places God is calling us women to go that men cannot. Don't miss that call while hiding behind your fears and the lies of the enemy trying to force your way to the front above men. I implore the women around me to rise up with discernment like Debra, with faith like Rahab, with humility like Ruth, with boldness like Esther, with love without abandon like Mary Magdalene, and step into the calling God has placed on your life. You are here for such a time as this! Love, E