What Our Fear is Really Hiding

His demeaner was rushed. Thunderclaps of anger boomed from his little chest as he demanded his way, RIGHT. NOW. It was clear my sweet boy was not happy in this moment. And to anyone else the situation would be simple. Most would have seen a stubborn kid, too busy to eat, too impatient to give grace to others. But having the back story gave me context to see what was really going on here. And it was so much more than a battle of the wills.

Owen was feeling afraid.

In that moment I had to fight my natural assumption that Owen was once again stalling and not taking responsibility. But as I slowed my soul and asked the Lord for guidance. I knew immediately the Holy Spirit was showing me that Owen was not having another fit, but what was masked under the anger and sharp tone I heard, was in fact fear.

Fear of running out of time. Fear of not being able to live up to the expectations he had set for his day. Fear of not being able to love the people around him the way he wanted too. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of letting us down if he could not accomplish the tasks he had planned that things like breakfast and kind words were keeping him from.

And at this realization brought conviction to my own heart. How often does my anger mask a fear I don’t want to admit or maybe don’t even realize I have?

What is my unrealistic anger saying? What is my rush revealing? What is my sharp tone hiding? What love feels threatened?

When I take a moment to self-reflect, I realize more often than not, my anger is hiding a fear I feel bound too. I am so afraid of failing. So afraid that that subsequent failure would reveal to the world I really can’t hack it here in this role as wife and mother and daughter to the Creator of everything. And somewhere in that I am mostly afraid of the rejection that might follow. If someone realizes I don’t belong, then surely, they will all leave me. Scariest of all, the fear that God might leave me.

It doesn’t matter how well I may think I know the bible cover to cover. Or how often I am reminded there is a verse on fear for every day of the year. Somehow that sinking feeling sneaks into my days and starts to confiscate my peace and leave in its place death traps of anger. Because let’s be honest, if the enemy can get me to hide behind anger as a defense, he can subsequently get me to fulfill the self-prophesy that “all will leave me” as I inadvertently push them away with my uncontrolled temper.

For example, think back to the last time you raised your voice? What tenor came out? What words did you spew without thinking? What fear did you vomit up in the midst? Only to see the reaction on your family members face of hurt as you realize you now have a bigger mess to clean up then before. And that’s the exact moment the enemy hands you the mop and tells you this is all your fault and he high tails it out of town leaving you alone with even more fears than before.

I wish I could say this rarely happens to me. But I would be lying. But once truth is revealed to us, we have the tremendous opportunity to grasp hold of the hand of grace and allow the work of the Holy Spirit to renew our minds and humble out hearts. Knowing that my ultimate fear is losing the love of my Savior, shows me that I have yet to fully realize the depth of His love for me. Because if I truly believed His words and actions of love were extended to me in the worst of my circumstances, I would know that I have absolutely nothing to fear. Even if every human soul leaves me, I still have enough of everything I could ever need in Jesus.

So, what’s a fearful girl to do? Oh, my friend, I think the first and most courageous step is to lower our shield of anger and trade it for one of faith. A faith that does not put it’s hope in humans never hurting us or failing us. But one that put’s all its trust in the only One who never can fail. It’s simply not in His DNA.

Next, I think it’s vital that we get to know who God is. It dawned on me, that if I knew God as well as I was familiar with and meditated on the things I fear, I don’t think I would have too much to fear any more. The more we know truth, the more we will find freedom.

And then once we have done those two things, and anchored ourselves to our Savior like never before, then it’s time to take another step of faith and humbly admit our weakness to others so that we might find freedom out from under the clutches of the enemy that says we are less than for feeling afraid. We fight against those lies by taking a step back the next time we feel our voices rising, to evaluate where that anger is really coming from. Is it feelings of rejection trigger by a neglectful word from another? Is it fears of perceived failure from your childhood that are being projected into that moment of pressure? It is worry of losing love if you don’t get the approval you are seeking? Whatever that fear is for you, slow your tone and heart and simply allow the other person to know why you feel like responding the way you do. And (if in a safe and appropriate space) see if together you might be able to find a better way to handle said situation with the fear addressed and the enemy cut off at the knees.

Today I challenge you to inspect closely the moments that you feel your blood boiling and are sure you will absolutely lose control. Take a moment to see what fear is hiding behind your anger and is screaming to be surrendered to Jesus and be healed in His unconditional love. I implore you, give it to Him. Find the freedom He died for you to have. Don’t let the enemy steal another moment of your peace. Let God’s perfect love expel all your fear.

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. 1 John 4:18 NLT